


Yearning

by awindoffreedom



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:16:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25294552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awindoffreedom/pseuds/awindoffreedom
Summary: Father’s Day was always the hardest for him.“I know, I know, sweetie.” Chi-Chi coos to her son, holding the now crying boy close. She looked over to check on his homework, nothing had been done. Not surprising. She felt bad, guilty for not checking on him sooner. Of course, today was going to be difficult. Gohan always took this day to be the hardest out of them all.
Kudos: 5





	Yearning

**Author's Note:**

> Goodness, I haven't posted anything on here in months! A ton of stuff had happened over the past few months but I am here with another fanfiction! This time, trying my hand at writing Dragon Ball! Gohan is my favourite and I sometimes think about all the horrible stuff he had to go through, wondering how he was taking everything after the Cell games.
> 
> I'll probably go over this in the future and fix stuff haha but for now have this!

‘What would dad say if he saw me now?’

A thought which hadn’t left Gohan since the end of the Cell Games.

He never did like to think back to those traumatic memories. Especially those. Gohan never stopped blaming himself for Goku’s sacrifice. Gohan never stopped blaming himself for allowing Cell to kill him, or not finishing him off sooner when he had the perfect opportunity to. He hated how scared he had felt during the time when Goku pushed him to fight Cell, he hated the taste of blood whenever he could taste it in his mouth.

He hated everything about that time. He hated Cell even more. If it hadn’t been for Cell, his father would have still been alive, Android 16 would’ve most likely traveled the world to see the wildlife, him and his baby brother would’ve still had their father!

Gohan never liked fighting. Never had done. Even when Piccolo was roughing him up to become a warrior, Gohan still didn’t like it. Fighting Vegeta and Nappa, watching their friends die, Piccolo die too, those were things he associated with fighting too. Every time he heard the term ‘Saiyan’, or the word ‘fighting’, it often resulted in him remembering some of the memories of his past. At first, he would’ve cried over it all, unable to handle the awful emotions that came with it. But now? Now, he was numb.

Goku’s death was the final straw for Gohan. He swore he was done fighting after finishing Cell.

‘Would he be ashamed of me? Would he be ashamed because I do not want to be this world’s saviour?’

God, he hated disappointing his father. He had always wanted to make Goku proud of him. He had never stopped loving his father. Even when Goku would go off to train, he never stopped believing in his dad. To him, his father was his hero. He wanted to be strong like him, brave like him, although he never wanted to be a warrior. Still, it didn’t mean he loved him any less.

Gohan missed Goku every single day. Sure, it had been nearly a year since Goku had died but it didn’t make it any easier to cope with. Seeing the other kids in the city with their fathers made Gohan feel angry, jealous. He saw the way the child smiled up to their father, how happy they looked, how they were a normal family. His heart ached every time he saw a father and son spend time together fishing, or at the arcades, just spending time with them in general.

No, Gohan never had a ‘normal’ childhood, did he? Unless being kidnapped, beaten black and blue, watching people die in front of you, being forced to fight, was ‘normal’, though he doubted it. What was normal about any of that? He should’ve been going to school, making friends, making memories with his parents!

He wanted those precious memories of being able to ride a bike. He had longed for them all to go on a holiday. Dreamt of it being peaceful with no fighting. No fears of being killed, no traumatising memories to look back on.

But, he never got them. 

Father’s Day was always hard for him. Perhaps, the hardest. With no grave to go to, Gohan always cherished his father’s memory within his mind. Sure, he’d leave flowers by the side of the house or something but it wasn’t the same as being able to go and pay his respects properly. And sure, Goku might’ve communicated with him telepathically with King Kai’s powers once in a blue moon, but yet again, it was not the same thing as being in person. He had never wanted to lose his father like this. Gohan wanted to see him face to face, to be able to hug him, to tell his dad he loved him. And to scream at him for being selfish for being a fighter.

Okay, perhaps that was a little extreme. Chi-Chi’s way of thinking there, not his.

‘I don’t even want to study. I just want to see my dad.’

Chi-Chi always worried about Gohan. She could tell when he was not alright. While he had made himself appear to be the strong one, to be the one where he was coping the best, she knew he was only a teenager, and had been very close to him. It caused some massive concern when his grades dropped dramatically, taking him to the doctor the following day as she was afraid he was not doing okay.

Her gut feeling had been right all along however, because Gohan later developed depression and PTSD. Hearing that her son was being diagnosed with those illnesses crushed her heart into so many pieces that she just wanted to take away all of his pain and have her bare it herself.

Those nights where she heard him cry himself to sleep never left her mind. She felt awful because she hadn’t stopped to think about how all of this had been for her son, too wrapped up in her own grief to notice her son was suffering just as much silently.

It was why she didn’t push him to do his homework as often any more. Why she always tried to check on him, help him with his grades if he continued to struggle, hug him when he was silent and not talk to her or anybody. She could tell when he was not okay. Chi-Chi had always been proud of her son for the way he handled everything in the past. He had never become a nasty boy even though he could’ve, he always remained this caring, gentle boy who loved others and saw the best in them.

Why Goku wanted to bring him out to the fights was beyond her knowledge. Though, she always hated it whenever he did it. She felt Goku had always been selfish in the regard of not thinking about their son’s mental health whenever he pleaded with him to fight by his side, and she hated herself for allowing Gohan to go with him.

God, how she wished she could’ve stopped Goku from taking Gohan to the fight with Cell.

‘Why did you have to leave us, dad?’

This hurt the most. This hurt Gohan the most.

‘Why did you have to leave us? Why did you have to go? Why did you? Why couldn’t it be me? Why did you leave? Dad, I’m sorry! I wish it had been me! I want you back! We need you! Please come back dad! It hurts so bad, please dad, please dad--!’

“Hey, hey, shh. It’s alright. It’s okay, sweetie.”

The young boy hadn’t noticed a pair of gentle arms wrapping around his shoulders, being pulled towards them. It took him a moment to figure out it was his mother, then realising he was crying out loudly again.

Father’s Day was always the hardest for him.

“I know, I know, sweetie.” Chi-Chi coos to her son, holding the now crying boy close. She looked over to check on his homework, nothing had been done. Not surprising. She felt bad, guilty for not checking on him sooner. Of course, today was going to be difficult. Gohan always took this day to be the hardest out of them all.

She cursed herself for even suggesting to do some homework.

“Tell you what, let’s skip studying today. You need a break. We can come back to it tomorrow when you’re feeling better.” a year later and it was still hard for her and Gohan to cope on this day.

She did everything she could to not break down in front of her son. Playing the father role to her boys was mentally exhausting, although Gohan had been doing his best to help raise his baby brother. She always felt guilty for him, then angry for Goku not being here with them. None of this was fair. None of this.

Perhaps she’ll suggest to Gohan to go to Piccolo, see if talking with him might make him feel better. But, for now, she was just going to console her grieving son, giving him all the love and attention he deserved.

“I know it’s hard sweetie, you let it all out, alright? It’ll be alright. Come on, let me make you some lunch as I doubt you have hardly eaten today, hmm?”

The young teen sobbed, shaking his head with a sniffle.

“Ah, bless you. It’s okay. I will make you some. You’ve worked very hard today, Gohan. I am so, so proud of you. I love you, sweetie.”

“L-love you too, mother…”

She pulled him in closer, knowing he needed this more than ever right now. No matter what, Gohan was going to get her full attention. It was the least she could do for her son. He had been trying so hard to stay strong, and today she was going to allow him to be vulnerable.

That day, the homework was not done and both Chi-Chi and Gohan spent the day together. Chi-Chi made Gohan some food to have before guiding him to the front room, asking him what he’d like to do. It was then she brought up the idea of him visiting Piccolo, but Gohan had said he wanted to stay home as he was not up to socialising with their friends today. Chi-Chi understood entirely.

“Goku would’ve been so proud of you. Never doubt that, sweetie.”

It was true. Goku would’ve been grinning down at his son. And who’s to say he wasn’t doing it right now? Who’s to say he wasn’t already proud massively of Gohan?

And while Gohan might not be feeling pleased with himself, Goku sure was. Goku had always been proud of him. Always.

‘If only you could know my joy, son. I have an amazing son, and never forget that you are already brave. Already strong. That I love you.’


End file.
